Being in beauty pageants is like doing a hard core drug. When you are doing it you feel awesome! Then, when you lose you feel so down and depressed. When you come off that high and you are so upset, nothing feels better until you do it again.

Well, if down and waiting to get high again.

I don't know if beauty pageants are the best thing for a recovering anorexic, but I'm try it anyway. I don't really know if recovery is the best thing for me anymore. Beauty pageants are tough; they are pretty cut throat. It's not the kind of thing you just do for fun, it's a life.